Doing a Couple’s Council

(Everflect Couple How-To)

This week in “The Intentional Family Moment” podcast we discuss why it’s important to counsel with your spouse regularly. First, we discuss what a couple’s council (which we call an “Everflection”) even is. The challenge is to start or continue doing a couple’s council weekly.

To help you get started, we thought we’d help you by providing a quick and easy format (also available for free in our Everflect app). There are many ways to carry out a couple’s council, but here is the agenda that we’ve found works the best for us:

Step 1: Go Over Previous Goals

If this is your first couple’s council, you can skip this step. Otherwise, go over last weeks goals and talk about which ones were successful and which ones weren’t. Discuss why you think it turned out that way and start thinking of ways to build on those goals.

Step 2: Share Personal Goals

Take a moment to think of one personal goal each. Share the goal with your spouse and ask them how you can help them achieve their goal. Write down your spouse’s goal and their request for help.

Step 3: Discuss Your Relationship

Discuss the strength of your relationship. Discuss challenges that you are facing as a couple. Discuss and resolve any conflict. If needed, make a relationship goal.

Step 4: Express Appreciation

Take turns sharing at least three things that you appreciated about your spouse this week. Write down the things that they appreciated about you.

Step 5: Ask How You Can Improve

Ask your spouse for one way that you can improve or one way that you can help them feel more loved this week. Write down their suggestion.

Step 6: Review Your Goals

Review your goals for the upcoming week. Put a reminder in your phone or write them somewhere you will see them during the week.

Step 7: Schedule Your Next Meeting

Choose a time to do a couple’s council again next week. Put it in your calendar and schedule everything else around it.


If you have another format for doing a couple’s council, please feel free to share your experience in the comments!


For tips on how to improve the quality of your couple’s council, check out our Couple’s Coursework book where we go over topics such as goal setting, vulnerability, communication, validation, love languages, conflict resolution and more.

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